Thanks but No Thanks

Well as the summer draws to a close, I feel it only necessary to thank those of yo who have helped us out over the last month.  My mom has been one of the bigger helps.  She helped us move, then helped us set up camp.  When we had to change campgrounds, she was there again.  Just about anything we needed, she would get us.  Thank you mom for everything.  I hope I will soon be able to repay you.

Bob, you have also been a really big help.  You helped us with all the camping stuff and even when it was something as simple as getting the hook-up right (I know I’m a blond), you were there and in a timely manner.  Thank you for that.

Then there is the smaller help we have gotten from others.  Scott, Tony, and Zach thanks for helping us move.  Without you it wouldn’t have gotten done. 

This is were the thanking stops.  Over the course of the last few weeks, we have lived life in a way which we haven’t exactly liked.  However there are people out there who could care less how we have been living.  To my brother and my roommates family, please don’t pray for me and don’t criticise me either.  I feel bad enough as it is and your prayers don’t work, in case you didn’t notice, my gods don’t hear them.  Through your constant put downs and such you remind me why I want to move out of state and leave no forwarding address.  You don’t realize how hard it is for someone like me to find what I am seeking.  You act as if I have been wasting my time and not looking at all.  Well I have, for more than a year now, been searching and have not found anything.  Don’t get me wrong I have had plenty of interviews but they never pan out.  I’m either under-qualified or over-qualified.

I know this breaks away a little from what I was writing but I do have something to say.  I once read a blog about homeless people and how the blogger wrote he didn’t understand how this could happen.  Why didn’t these people have a network of family and friends upon whose couch they could crash.  Well let me tell all of you something.  I speak on behalf of someoen who is homeless and I even have family in the area where I live.  If you burn bridges you have nowhere to go.  I don’t have enough friends out there who are willing to deal with my life and I never would expect them to.  However I am now homeless and everyone I could stay with has said NO!!! 

I know this may sound a bit harsh but I don’t care.  My family is full of people who are worried about themselves.  My brother is prime suspect number one.  He is my mothers caretaker (no she’s not incapable she just is afraid).  As her caretaker he has access to her bank accounts.  After my grandfather died last year, she has come into a large amount of money.  Of this money, I have asked to BORROW $650.  All of which I must pay back.  My brother has just taken money and plans to repay it when ever he feels like it.  He keeps mentioning how I haven’t repaid any of the money I have borrowed from my mother even though I owe her the least. 

This is only a small portion of what he has done.  If I ask for anything, he acts like he is too busy to help or there is just no way in the world to help me right now.  He even tells my mom not to help me.  He is tearing her apart.  She wants to help all of her children but my brother is acting like he is the only child. 

My youngest brother, who is serving time in prison, has asked to move home once he is out so he can get beck up on his feet.  My older brother, who has had his share of trouble, told my mom to tell him no.  He is starting to act like his wife does about his family.  She wishes we didn’t exist either. 

Well I hate to tell everyone out there who feels this way but we are going to be here for a long while so get use to it. 

I hate that I have ranted on like this for so long.  Hopefully when I post again, it will be nicer.

I’m sure here soon I will have some wonderful news.

New School~Year Ahead

On Monday, I start going to school again.  Am I scared?  Of course but why wouldn’t I be. I haven’t taken classes in eight years and I’m beginning to wonder if I bit off more than I could chew.  I’m worried I will have to give up class for a job and this makes me very nervous.  I really want everything to go OK for me in this new endeavour. 

I remember my last experience at school.  I have an Associates degree to prove it.  I was the middle person in my class.  Half of the class was older and half was younger.  I made the best of it and even though I didn’t make that many friends, it didn’t really matter to me.   I had a family at home so I didn’t spend any time outside of class with them. 

Now I’m entering school as something completely different.  I am a single mom of four and looking for friends and maybe even a companion.  I have also chosen a career field which I know will help me reach my goals.  I decided last year I want to be an business woman.  Yes I want to run a business.  I think I can be good at it.  I know it won’t be easy but I know I have the stamina to make it work. 

Well Monday is coming up fast.  Wish me luck because as the oldest person there I will need it.  And who knows, maybe I will find me someone special.

One Last HOORAH!!!

Right now I know I haven’t been posting on here like I promised I would.  I decided to take the kids and go camping before they go back to school.  Big mistake on my part.  They have fought almost constantly with me and between themselves and I have a sunburn from hell.  Yes I think it is from hell since I received it while sitting in the shade.  Even the kids who were in the sun didn’t get one nearly as bad as mine.  Hell some of them only browned a little.  Sometimes I hate being so white.

Anyway, I have started to feel like a homeless person as of late.  My last home the septic tank broke and my jackhole landlord refused to fix it so I have been trying to find a new place to put down roots.  This is hard to do when you are a single mom of a herd of small beings. 

Most places aren’t happy to let you in unless you are the mint and last time I checked I didn’t.  But there is a silver lining to this.  My cats are loving this and even through all of this so are my kids.  I think we are getting closer to a breakthrough… one way or another we will learn to get along.

Well enough for now and please don’t worry about us we are fine.  Soon we will be in the comforts of a nice place.  Check back and see how things are going. 

Life Interupted

What has this world come to?  I will be moving again, not even a year after the last one.  This is in small part to my landlord.  He has refused to fix our drain.  For the last week we have not been able to use the water at our house without it backing up all over the floor and the whole house smelling like sewage.  This means no showering, using the bathroom, washing dishes, ect.  This wouldn’t be so bad except for the kids. 

Since this all started we have done alot of eating out.  We have also realized what it must be like in third world countries.  We don’t take full showers and we try not to dirty any dishes.  The bathroom thing is the worst.  We are making it though. 

Right now we are waiting on the sewer guys to locate our septic tank so they can do their work.  Well that is what the landlord’s assistant has told us (the landlord is on vacation and wasn’t even planning on doing anything until he came back from whereever he went ~ a week from now).  We don’t believe the assistant so we have a call going out to the sewer guys to find out what is going on.  This is such a pain in the butt. 

Do yo uknow how hard it is to find somewhere to move when you have 6 people?  Especially one which is affordable for someone like me. 

Once when I was having a rough time I went and asked the state for assistance.  They actually had the nerve to tell me I should have found somewhere more affordable.  Now get this straight, this place isn’t outrageous.  I’m not sure what they were looking for.  I guess I could have gone and stayed at the Y with my kids but I don’t think that would be any better.

Well the last time we looked for somewhere to live my female roommate and I along with my kids had trouble getting in.  When we would talk to them on the phone they would tell us the number of people was fine but then we would show up to fill out the application and suddenly we had too many people for the apartment.  Then we figured it out.  We think they thought we were a lesbian couple.  I mean think about it a woman in her 30’s with 4 kids and a woman in her mid 20’s with no kids living together, there is only one thing they have to be ~ LESBIANS.  Of course we are lesbians because heaven for bid should two women who are friends live together.  One whose health isn’t very well and needs someone to look out for her and another who needs someone there to help out with the kids from time to time. 

All of this ended up going around the town I was from.  This one and one which involves me dealing drugs out of this house.  People can be so stupid.  Sure I deal drugs… I can’t stand them.  I don’t even take meds for a headache so dealing must be the logical step.  Well just so I don’t end up with the police out here at my house, I am not a lesbian and I am not a drug dealer.  

Hopefully in tomorrow the drain guys will fix my drain and all will get back to normal.  I also hope we find a place to move soon and I hope to get a really good job.  Until then we will make our way through life as it is now.     

Remember the Good Times (Draft from my Birthday)

On my birthday I got to thinking about all of my life.  For the last couple of years I have felt like a loser.  Things haven’t gone as planned and I keep hitting an all time low.  Well I think it is a low at the time, then along comes something else which knocks me for a loop.

First it was my husband leaving me.  Then I lost my dad, then I lost my job.  Then I lost the unemployment case, had trouble finding a new job, and had a very good friend of mine leave.  I finally got a job but then my grandfather died and so I had to quit that job. 

Through all of that I had friends stick by my side.  I figured they would be there forever.  I was wrong.  Because of things I didn’t know we all grew farther apart. 

I have spent the last few months trying to figure out in which direction I should set sail in my life.  For the last year or so I had been living it to appease my boyfriend but now I’m looking to broaden my horizons.  I have given thought to moving away from here.  I don’t know if it would help but at this point I need something.

Another thought I had on my birthday was how much I miss my father.  I realized I may have been having a birthday and the focus was suppose to be on me but then I thought of how that day was to honor the fact my parents had sex and became parents.  It is kind of disturbing but true.  I realized I owe my parents a great big thanks because if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t be here right now. 

Well I was a little wrong about my birthday in the last post.  My mom did call and wish me a happy birthday.  Other than that it was nothing special. 

After my birthday I realized something else.  I don’t really have any friends.  I have one friend and I live with her so she isn’t really my friend she’s my roommate.  Other than her I have no one close to me.  What happened?  Am I really that big a loser, no one wants to be friends with me?  How badly did I screw up in life to have no one?  Well I guess I should be happy to have one person who is my friend.   

You realize just how many friends you have when you have something happen in your life.  I look forward to the day when my friends numbers will increase.  Until then, I will keep the one I have happy.