Too Tired to Deal

Lately I have been having trouble sleeping.  I will fall asleep and the a few hours later, wake up, sweating and them have trouble falling back to sleep until after the kids go to school.  That was until yesterday.  I fell asleep right before the kids needed to get up for school.  I woke them when the alarm went off and then fell back to sleep.  If my kids hadn’t been annoying my roommate I would have missed getting them out the door.  I fell back asleep again and slept until almost noon.  I woke only briefly, to make lunch, and then fell back to sleep again.  I slept off and on the rest of the day, dozing every time I leaned back in my chair.  Heck, I even went to bed before my younger kids did, so I didn’t get to tell them goodnight.  I woke up again in the middle of the night because one of my roommates friends was coming over and when she got here she woke me up, and kept me up.  Now I can’t fall back to sleep.

I remember being able to do this a few years ago.  Go for days on very little to no sleep and most of the time I didn’t crash either.  I would just find a few extra minutes in the day to close my eyes, usually by going to bed a little earlier.  This is something new and I really wish I could explain it.  The sweating, I figure is because the house gets stuffy at night so my body is trying to tell me to wake up and turn on a fan or something.  If this is the case though, then why can’t I fall back to sleep once I am comfortable?

All of this body clock drama has caused me to miss things in my kids lives.  Tonight I know that my older kids didn’t listen to me and that my roommate had to deal with it.  The kids snuck off from where they said they were going and didn’t let me know.  I found out because my brother saw my son minus my daughter at the gas station.  Apparently the gas station is where the school football game was held.  Well when my kids got home some sort of arguing happened and I think there was something about the kids stories not matching up, again I don’t know because I was sleeping.  I guess I will have to get to the bottom of this nonsense.

Well until later, I hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day Weekend.  To those of you who have the weekend off, please be kind to those people who don’t and to those who are working, try to find time to enjoy the weekend.

Life Goes On

As the first full week of school is half over and we are settling into a routine that will work for everyone, life has developed some very crazy things that I never would have thought I was ever going to have to deal with.  The older kids are spending every morning with their dad on the short drive across town to school.  It isn’t because they can’t ride the bus, they get picked up right outside of the front door.  It’s because they choose to spend time with him.  Well that and eat breakfast at school.  I know my kids love this about their dad, the older ones anyway.  The only problem is that for my oldest, he gets all the fun, spend time with dad time, and none of the other kids do.  If my son is ever sick, my ex already told him that his sister would just have to “ride the bus.”  How bull stuff is that?  His dad also pays for him to go to things but doesn’t do the same thing with my daughter, or the other boys for that matter. 

As far as the little boys are concerned…he doesn’t have any kids that young.  He never takes them anywhere or does anything with them.  He spends no time with them and never talks to them on the phone.  He called on the first day of school for the older three and talked about how their first days went, talking short amounts of time the less number of years old they were.  He never called to ask the youngest, who started kindergarten this year, how his first day went.  This isn’t the only time he has failed his younger kids.  They had the open house for the brand new school here and I had asked him if he could take them.  He said no because he didn’t have the gas.  He said the same thing the day our youngest was suppose to meet his teacher and we were suppose to have our first parent teacher thing.  He didn’t have the gas.  Yet for the first half week of school he took his girlfriends kids to school (they can ride the bus too).  I guess we know where his priorities are and this is not right nor is it fair. 

I don’t know how to change things between them and their dad.  I have tried good cop, bad cop, leaving it alone, jumping down his throat, and it all has gotten me nowhere.  I give up.  I guess for most of the younger ones I can be both their mom and dad (although I don’t have man parts so this might be hard).  I just wish I could get him to see what harm he is doing to his kids.  Lying all the time and about the stupidest things.  Then when they get disappointed at their dad they take it out on me, like it is my fault their dad is such a disappointment.  It hurts.  If he doesn’t answer a phone call, show up when he said he would, all of those things that they don’t like in him, and they take it out on me as if I had some magic wand that keeps their dad from showing up or keeping his promises.  If I had it my way that magic wand would get him to be super dad, you know the type that do everything for their kids, the ones who are at ever game, no matter what.  They call every night, want to know everything about them, no matter how small.  They feel bad because they missed their firsts.  I would wish for that kind of miracle for my kids.  That is if I had that magic wand, which of course I don’t.

Well I have rambled on far too long about things I’m sure I’ve said all too often during the course of my writer of this blog.  Sometimes I feel as though my life is just one big circle and I’m waiting to see where the new path off of here will lead.  Well check back and maybe I’ll have found some new muse of my fancy.