Archive for the ‘school’ Category

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A Long Time Coming

February 2, 2009

I know I haven’t written in quite a long while.  I just wasn’t sure if my life was worth blogging about.  As I got to thinking more and more about it, I am convinced that it wasn’t that my life wasn’t exciting.  There have been many things happen in my life yet somehow I felt as if they had happened before, that by mentioning them would make it seem as if I was only repeating myself.  My children’s father is no better a role model than he was a few months ago, my life is still in shambles but at least I have my life.  Times have been hard but they are not hard enough.  Granted they aren’t getting easier either but I am learning to get along.

I have been busy.  I am back in school full time, taking online classes and loving it.  I don’t really miss the in person connection with the student body and for this I am sad.  I know I need to get out more and become less afraid of people.  I know people aren’t all here to hurt me but in my mind I am afraid of the day when I earn a new nickname, one that hasn’t already dampened my life, keeping me up nights crying.  I have realized that just because we age doesn’t always mean we grow up and adults are meaner than children in their nature of misunderstanding.

Lately I have been having dreams of angry and mean adults, mostly angry or mean to me.  There was an entire communication via text message that would have even the most steady minded adult crying for their mother.  I don’t know what is spurning these dreams and I wish they would stop.  Sometimes I think that maybe it is a sign to me that I am refusing to understand in my day to day life that my subconscious thinks I need to learn in a dream state.  All I know is that once I wake up, I feel as though my heart has been ripped from my chest.  Feeling like this when I wake up is starting to affect the relationships with the others who care dearly for me too because I become very quiet around all of those people whom I love very much.  They worry and with every right.  I have been feeling these feelings longer and longer into the day.  I can’t wait for spring, when the sun is out for longer and my mood will improve, giving me a chance to breath in the fresh air.  A chance to go camping, teach my kids more about the wonderful nature we live in.

Last year I only got to go camping a few times, and most of these were by myself without my kids, since they didn’t want to go camping.  My older kids decided they never wanted to camp again, ever, after they lived in a tent for a few months.  My younger sons loved camping and wanted to do it again.  This is where our problems lie…the older kids have nowhere to stay while I take their little brothers camping and they refuse to come with.  I really wish I could get back some of the time I have lost as their mom, spend more time with them, make more of an impression.  I can see in my older children that it might just be too late.  My oldest is failing out of school, and he is very proud of that fact.  I don’t know how to deal with that, I was always the one who hated study hall, always wanting to learn, even to this day.

I have talked a lot but said very little.  I need to get some sleep before my day begins again, the moment the alarm goes off to wake up the kids.  I hope my next post will come sooner than my last.  Until next time…take care.

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Growing Up is Hard to Do

September 13, 2008

Today it has become official.  I am old.  My oldest son went to his first high school dance.  Yes that’s right, high school.  Dancing… He doesn’t really dance but hey he wanted to go and I didn’t have the heart to stop him.  He had a good time, danced with a few girls and some friends, was disappointed by the fact that nourishing himself with liquids cost him money, but was still very happy.  

I, on the other hand, got to thinking, as any parent would on the night one of the first grown up things happen.  I am getting older.  With every day that ticks by on the big clock of life I grow older, just as my kids do.  Before I could deny my age, as it is just merely a number, but then I started thinking about the past few years and realized that I have been listening to everyone else with regard to my life.  They all told me I needed to grow up.  I needed to spend more time with my kids, be a family, and a mom, not just a mom but a role model for my kids.  They were gonna need it seeing how the rest of those who are in their lives were like.  I stopped going out, I really got rid of friends left and right, all in an effort to grow up.

I can’t say that I ever really have grown up but I’m trying.  I want to set a good example for my kids, showing them the right way to be in this big bad world in which we live.  I can only hope they turn out as good people.  Right now they are on their way.

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Life Goes On

August 27, 2008

As the first full week of school is half over and we are settling into a routine that will work for everyone, life has developed some very crazy things that I never would have thought I was ever going to have to deal with.  The older kids are spending every morning with their dad on the short drive across town to school.  It isn’t because they can’t ride the bus, they get picked up right outside of the front door.  It’s because they choose to spend time with him.  Well that and eat breakfast at school.  I know my kids love this about their dad, the older ones anyway.  The only problem is that for my oldest, he gets all the fun, spend time with dad time, and none of the other kids do.  If my son is ever sick, my ex already told him that his sister would just have to “ride the bus.”  How bull stuff is that?  His dad also pays for him to go to things but doesn’t do the same thing with my daughter, or the other boys for that matter. 

As far as the little boys are concerned…he doesn’t have any kids that young.  He never takes them anywhere or does anything with them.  He spends no time with them and never talks to them on the phone.  He called on the first day of school for the older three and talked about how their first days went, talking short amounts of time the less number of years old they were.  He never called to ask the youngest, who started kindergarten this year, how his first day went.  This isn’t the only time he has failed his younger kids.  They had the open house for the brand new school here and I had asked him if he could take them.  He said no because he didn’t have the gas.  He said the same thing the day our youngest was suppose to meet his teacher and we were suppose to have our first parent teacher thing.  He didn’t have the gas.  Yet for the first half week of school he took his girlfriends kids to school (they can ride the bus too).  I guess we know where his priorities are and this is not right nor is it fair. 

I don’t know how to change things between them and their dad.  I have tried good cop, bad cop, leaving it alone, jumping down his throat, and it all has gotten me nowhere.  I give up.  I guess for most of the younger ones I can be both their mom and dad (although I don’t have man parts so this might be hard).  I just wish I could get him to see what harm he is doing to his kids.  Lying all the time and about the stupidest things.  Then when they get disappointed at their dad they take it out on me, like it is my fault their dad is such a disappointment.  It hurts.  If he doesn’t answer a phone call, show up when he said he would, all of those things that they don’t like in him, and they take it out on me as if I had some magic wand that keeps their dad from showing up or keeping his promises.  If I had it my way that magic wand would get him to be super dad, you know the type that do everything for their kids, the ones who are at ever game, no matter what.  They call every night, want to know everything about them, no matter how small.  They feel bad because they missed their firsts.  I would wish for that kind of miracle for my kids.  That is if I had that magic wand, which of course I don’t.

Well I have rambled on far too long about things I’m sure I’ve said all too often during the course of my writer of this blog.  Sometimes I feel as though my life is just one big circle and I’m waiting to see where the new path off of here will lead.  Well check back and maybe I’ll have found some new muse of my fancy.

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Karma

February 23, 2008

Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this.  Last week I had a little physical tiff with my 14 year old son.  He was hitting one of my friends so I stepped in to stop him and it took both of us to restrain him.  Doing this threw out her shoulder, elbow, and wrist on one arm and my shoulder.  This was Valentine’s Day.  Yes Happy Valentine’s Day to Me.  For those of you who are wondering, yes he is still alive and living with me.  However he has been dually warned that if it happens again that he will end up in a group home.  Anyway, moving on.

I was still in pain Monday so I went to the doctor.  Ordered to take it easy (which was easy since I couldn’t lift anything) I went home that night.  Next morning I got up as usual and everything went well.  I took a test in my Business Law class and then went to Wal-Mart.

I am for every obvious reasons writing this next part.  Wal-Mart is in no way, shape, or form responsible for the events which transpired next.

I was worried about not slipping on the ice that I twisted my ankle.  As I was trying to regain my footing my other shoe, which were slip-ons, started to fall off.  This lead me to fall flat on my face.  Well actually my face never hit the concrete.  However I did land on my knees and my right wrist.  My four year old was with me as I almost was run over by a car while sitting there on the cold concrete, crying.

To avoid being run over I stood, put both my shoes on and through tears and shaking made my way to the driver seat of the car.  I sat there crying for a little bit and then on cue, my son says, “Mom, I need to go to the bathroom.”  Now keep in mind that I can hardly move and I am still crying and I had to go to the bathroom when I stepped out of the car.  “I can’t help you right now.”  I said back to him, knowing if I didn’t get him to the bathroom quickly he was going to pee his pants.

I stood up, wiped the tears off my face and then made my way slowly into the store, not realizing how badly I was hurt.  At this point I knew my hand hurt but I walked rather than getting one of the electric wheelchairs they have available.  The only pain I had was in my hand which I could tell was going to be bad.

We finished our shopping and returned to the car, knowing that my hand hurt but my knees felt scraped but nothing more.  After we dropped of my son at preschool we stopped at the gas station to fill up the tank.  My leg felt stiff but I didn’t think anything of it.  I went into the station, paid for the gas, and returned to the car.  I mentioned something about how my knee felt stiff and swollen and then I looked down at it.  My knee looked like I had taken a baseball and ACE bandaged it to the top of my knee. 

Before this moment I hadn’t wanted to go to the doctor again because it doesn’t look good when you go in with doctor 2 days in a row with injuries that look like you are being abused.  Maybe I should mention that when I went to the doctor’s office Monday I didn’t tell them that the injury was from getting in an altercation with my son.  I told them I didn’t know how it happened.  What else was I suppose to say? 

Well I went to the doctor’s office and sat it the waiting room for over an hour.  They made me walk back to the room, even though they thought I had broken my knee.  I never really did figure it out.

The nurse took my temperature, which really didn’t make any sense, and then she asked me what I was to be seen for.  Apparently she was a blind nurse who didn’t see me limping or not using my hand.  Anyway I told her the story after I let her know I was there because I hurt my hand and knee.  She turned on the light for the radiology department and left the room.  Within moments the person was there to take me to have x-rays done.  

Again I limped the whole way there.  I really don’t know why they do this but they always want to bend you in ways that are the most painful when they take x-rays.  I was contorted into balloon animal shapes and we did shadow puppets and then the pictures were taken.  Once developed, they escorted me back to my room.

Within a few moments the doctor, who happened to be the doctor I saw the day before, was in the room examining my hand and knee.  She said it didn’t appear that anything was broken but she said she was surprised by the way it looked that there wasn’t something broken.  She said the drugs she prescribed would work well for this injury also and that I should apply ice to my hand and knee and heat to my shoulder. 

We left the doctor’s office and came home, putting ice on both of them.  The swelling went down in my knee but my hand swelled so bad I couldn’t move my fingers.  I couldn’t write, type of anything for 2 days.  My friend sent notes to all my instructors letting them know what was happening and told them I would need the assignments.  So far most of my instructors are cooperative, but I have a lot of homework to do including a take home test. 

The next morning I woke up and the knee I thought was fine except for a few scratches was so swollen I couldn’t bend it.  I guess I can speed this whole post up a bit.  My family keeps forgetting that I hurt and bumps me in all my sorest areas.

My hand still hurts to type and hold a pencil, but I am trying hard to get everything done.  The swelling in my hand is going down but as it does new bruises form, now I have them on the palm of my hand.  But I can now get up off the floor without help, though it does still hurt to be on my knees.  I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a boyfriend in my life, well not one that wants me on my knees, anyway.   

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Let It Snow

February 7, 2008

Living in Iowa has begun to have it’s drawbacks.  For what seems like forever now, we have been covered in snow.  Actually last week we did reach a high in the 50’s and this melted most of the snow we had gotten before.  By this morning we had another round of snow leaving us buried under almost a foot of snow.

The snowplow guys are making a killing digging everyone out and we are running out of places to pile it all.  Today I watched my neighbor try and dig her driveway out form under all the snow.  She would dig a little bit and then she would take a break.  Last night she shoveled as well so you would figure it would have been easier.  It wasn’t.  After she spent most of the day shoveling, she had only cleared about a third of her drive.  My brother, out there making a killing in the snow removal business, just did the end of her driveway for her and she paid him very generously. 

He worked most of the day to releave the neighbors of their heavy fluffy burden.  Now he is exhausted.  I don’t mind because he won’t be bothering me tonight.  This is a plus from the last few days.

The only other thing I have to complain about was that the schools around here let out for the day.  My kids have been bugging all of us all day long.  My oldest has been bugging my brother, wanting to help him go about his tremendous job.  My other three kids have been bugging me. 

I checked my school email, since my classes were cancelled as well, and my instructor from one of my classes has sent me the test we were supposed to take last week (class was cancelled then due to weather) and again this week.  With all of the delays, this is the only option for the teacher to get a grade turned in for his report was to give it to us this way.   I have begun working on it but I wanted to get a post done beforehand so I don’t have this to worry about.  I guess I’ll get it done later as opposed to sooner, but this is how my life goes.

Here is a funny thing which happened to us just the other night.  My oldest son was playing with a pantyliner.  He knows what girls use then for, so this was not out of line for him.  Maybe I should mention that he has trouble with the whole deer stains in his underwear.  For those of you who don’t know what that is, he doesn’t always wipe his butt very well, leaving a rather large streak in his underwear.  This makes doing laundry very nasty.  Well we were making fun of him about his problem and mentioned he should use one of them for his “chocolate time”(what we affectionately call his problem, when girls are having their time we call it “strawberry time”).  He then took the pantyliner and removed the paper covering the sticky backing and placed it on the outside of his pants right over his butt crack.  My brother couldn’t believe it.  We all died laughing, and as a matter of fact, I had to stop writing this because we were all reliving it again.  My son knows I’m writing this and he is embarrassed and maybe a little mad too.  I think he will get over it in time but it was funny and I figured that people could use a good laugh this week.       

I would like to use this time to send out my condolences to those people who experienced a loss during the terrible weather in the South.  Heart goes out to those who lost a loved one or their possessions.  I know my words can’t bring back all the things you lost but I hope you can recovery from this and rise from the rubble with your heads held high.

For right now this is all I have to say.  I’m going to dig out the car so I can take a trip to school in the morning.

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Rant Attack

January 9, 2008

I know I promised to write more often in here and about things which matter but I am having a hard time deciding exactly what I want to write about.  I have so many things I want to say and no idea where to begin. 

Since I am back in school I have had the opportunity to realize how much I hate stupid people.  For the most part my classes haven’t really contained a large number of stupid people but last night there was one girl who got on my nerves. 

She is a manager for an accessories store at the mall.  She is, I would say, right out of high school.  She is supposed to represent the future workforce.  She reminded me of the movie Clueless.  She uses the word like about every other word.  She has the idea that a manager should just sit back and file her nails while the employees do all the work.  She herself admitted she doesn’t know what she’s doing and when the instructor asked her questions she as a manager should have known she had not a clue.  GRRRR!!!

I worry about the business of the future.  I know that someday as a small business owner I will have to work with people just like this.  Ones who work so their parents will buy them a really fancy car or so they have an excuse not to help around the house anymore.  Ones who would rather sit and chit chat with friends than actually doing what they are supposed to because they know they don’t have to have a job because their parents will bail them out. 

This gets me to thinking about “rich kids.”  When I say rich kids I mean ones whose sole status is gained through their parents.  For example, what exactly did Paris Hilton do to become famous besides being the heiress to the Hilton fortune.  I know she did a little modeling but she is by no means as famous for modeling as some like Tyra Banks.  How about the Jenner boys.  I know Brody is on ‘The Hills’ but he was famous long before that because of his bad side.  Kids who do things because they know their parents will bail them out.  This bugs me about our future.  Just once I would like to hear about the ‘rich kid’ who does something good. 

Think about this: if you or I went to jail for any one of the things celebrities go to jail for we would have to serve our time in general population living like any inmate would have to but because they have money they get to stay in private.  Yeah that means no group shower for the heiress.  Sorry boys she won’t be releasing another movie about her sex-ploits which occurred while she was in jail.  Hell she even was allowed to leave because she had a medical problem.  If that where you or I we would be taken to a hospital where we would have someone guard us or we would have to stay at the medical ward of the place.  No warm soft bed for me with my mummy or daddy telling me it will be ok snookums.

I would like to take this chance to apologies for these rants against people I don’t know.  I am also in business law this semester so I will be ranting about things like this because I can.  If you don’t agree with me you can leave here fuming or write me a comment.  I really look forward to hearing what people have to say about these topics too.

   

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Random Thoughts From a Crazy Woman

January 6, 2008

I know it has been a little while since I have posted anything but with the holidays and my need to get the new year off right I haven’t really had time.  With school for me starting tomorrow I figured I have a little time.

I would like to thank my brother and sister in law for the invite to my niece’s birthday party.  I know I didn’t go but Michaela had a good time.  I hope you return her soon.  I know you threatened to write something not very nice if I didn’t go based off something I wrote in a previous post on here.  I would like to let you know that I am glad that so far you have chosen to act in a mature manner.  I would like a chance to explain for all of those who are reading this.

A while back I wrote a post about not getting invited to family functions, namely my nephew’s first birthday party.  Well they have now invited my daughter and myself to my niece’s birthday party.  I didn’t go, as you could have guessed, but I want a chance to defend myself. 

When you don’t invite me because of whatever argument we have going on my children lose out on it too.  I don’t know if you realize it but my children don’t get very much of a chance to spend time with most of their cousins and not getting invited to a party hurts.  You should know that they don’t get to spend time with the cousins on their fathers side since he has chosen to write them out of his life.  I was expecting more from my family. 

I don’t care if you never invite me to another party, get together, or whatever due to any problems we have between us but unless there is something my children have done then please, I ask you not to write them off, they get this enough from their father and his family.

Well on the lighter side of things, the new year is treating me well, so far.  Even though the old year went out on such a bang, literally (blown tire, interstate, no spare, new years eve, enough said) this year so far hasn’t been as bad as last year.  I mean at this rate anything will be better than last year.  I was living in a tent with no prospects and now I am living on my mother’s living room floor looking forward to the day when I can again sleep in my own bed and have my cats sleeping there with me.

I know there are people out there who have had birthdays and I haven’t wished them anything like I used to.  Well to all those people, happy birthday!!! 

My New Years plans went off without a hitch.  The doing nothing thing worked wonders.  I had fun watching movies with the kids and spending some much needed time with those I tend to neglect.  Even though I sometimes wish I had someone special in my life I know that right now I don’t have time for them.  I don’t want to fail at another relationship so I stay alone.  My children don’t need anyone else fighting to get out of there life, they already have too many.

If what they say is true, the person I will spend the new year with is my children.  No one else.  So don’t come here looking for a relationship.  Not like anyone will.

Well I have plenty more I want to say but not enough time in the day to say it all.  I will post more later.