Archive for December, 2007

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Christmas Day Blues

December 25, 2007

Well with all the gifts opened and all the food ingested, I start to get the blues.  Spending time with family makes me kind of miss those people who are no longer in my life any more.  Those who have passed on to a better place.  This year has been worse than usual since I have so many people to miss. 

My father and both my grandparents are the first people I began to miss.  I started reminiscing about the times we had and all of the holidays we spent together.  I remember going to my grandma’s about a week before Christmas and even though she couldn’t afford it she always made sure we had something.  Then when we left she made sure we had food to eat on our “long” trip home (we lived about 2 hours away). 

With my grandpa, we had a lot longer travel time there.  We would leave the moment we were let out of school for the Christmas-time holidays.  We would drive into the night and the only time we stopped were when my dad needed to go to the bathroom or get something to nibble on.  We would go to Catholic Christmas service with my grandpa and then we would get into bed. 

Santa never visited us while we were there but it never mattered.  We got to see all of our cousins and aunts and uncles.  One of my uncles, in lieu of having children, brought his dogs.  They were enjoyable to have around.  We enjoyed great food, good conversation, and wonderful presents.  Later in the evening, we would play games.  Well we would play whichever game my mom got for Christmas that year.  I won’t forget the times when we would play Pictionary and how loud we would get.  Adults arguing can get loud.  Then we would quiet down and go to bed for the night.

We would go shopping the next day for all the bargains there were out on the market.  The crowds were killer.  We girls had fun.  I’m not sure exactly what the boys did all day long but they seemed to enjoy themselves also.  In a matter of a couple of days we would be leaving and going home, the place where Santa left our gifts.

Well I don’t know why these traditions went by the wayside but they did.  We started missing all of the times we spent with our family and I knew there was less all around. I don’t know if we quit going because we couldn’t afford it anymore or if it was something we had done or something going on from the rest of the family’s end.  I just know that it had been quite a few years since I had seen either of my grandparents.

With my dad, the holidays are really hard.  I always bought him some Old Spice cologne, which was his favorite.  I keep thinking I need to pick some up but then I remember he won’t be here to enjoy it.  Every year I begin to cry when I remember he won’t be here. 

This year my former sister-in-law called me and asked if it gets any easier.  Her “dad” passed away this fall and it hasn’t been easy for any of them.  She did fine when the kids were visiting but then when she was wrapping gifts it hit her,  he won’t be here for Christmas this year.  I welled up a little when I thought, “Oh Roger loves chocolate covered cherries, I should get him a box.” only to remember he won’t be here for the holidays.

Well I guess this is how it is suppose to be around this time of year.  I know my mom has a hard time with it, especially since she doesn’t have much family left and those who are still around are younger than her.  She doesn’t take it well and gets angry at us and takes it out on us.  Her temper is bad this time of year and her fuse is short.  I think sometimes she forgets we have lost people too but we let her yell at us and take her crap just to make her happy.  This year she kicked all of us out and hoped we all died.  I know she didn’t mean it, she was just angry with life and her unfair shake of it.   It doesn’t make it any easier to take some of the things she said easily. 

Well I guess on the lighter side of life, my divorce went through.  As of December 14th I was a free woman.  It doesn’t matter though.  I will live to a very ripe old age never being with anyone ever again.  My family won’t let me go out and meet anyone so I will be sitting on the couch waiting for the man of my dreams to stop by and try to sell me something or else he will have to come to me where I am allowed to go out, the grocery store.  What guy in his right mind is going to see me shopping with my four kids and say to himself, “Damn that girl is fine.”  There aren’t any who will so I know I will be single for a very long time.  I am O.K. with that though.  My children will get the attention they deserve.         

Well the next time I get on here might be to talk about how the new me is working out.  I will have new and hopefully exciting things to say about it before long I’m sure.  Until then… 

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A Winter Storm

December 13, 2007

You don’t realize how much you like to leave your house until you can’t.  This week we were hit with an ice/snow storm. I lost many a branch on the trees in my yard but I stayed inside.  I worked hard at baking cookies with my kids and generally had a good time. 

There is one drawback to living with your mother and brother, when your stuck in the house all the time with each other, you begin to drive each other crazy.  This wouldn’t be so bad but my brother tries to upset my mother and then he wonders outside into the freezing cold so he can not have to deal with the fallout of his actions.  This leaves me and my children to do it for him.

Whenever my mother gets angry she never says a word to the ones who anger her.  She says things to the rest of the people around her.  She got in a fight with my ex-boyfriend’s mother and she took it out on me.  She let me know what she thinks about her and how she feels but never said a word otherwise.

Well anyway I can’t believe how much I really miss being around them, even if they are a pain in the butt.  I know though that it is only a matter of time before I will get tired of the fighting and the demandingness of my mother and brother and will want to leave, to spread my wings and fly away from the nest.  Until then I guess I will just enjoy it while this roller coaster ride lasts.

BTW… I would like to thank those of you who are reading my posts and increasing my counts every single day.  It means a lot to me.  Well Happy Holidays to all!!!