Remember the Good Times (Draft from my Birthday)

August 2, 2007

On my birthday I got to thinking about all of my life.  For the last couple of years I have felt like a loser.  Things haven’t gone as planned and I keep hitting an all time low.  Well I think it is a low at the time, then along comes something else which knocks me for a loop.

First it was my husband leaving me.  Then I lost my dad, then I lost my job.  Then I lost the unemployment case, had trouble finding a new job, and had a very good friend of mine leave.  I finally got a job but then my grandfather died and so I had to quit that job. 

Through all of that I had friends stick by my side.  I figured they would be there forever.  I was wrong.  Because of things I didn’t know we all grew farther apart. 

I have spent the last few months trying to figure out in which direction I should set sail in my life.  For the last year or so I had been living it to appease my boyfriend but now I’m looking to broaden my horizons.  I have given thought to moving away from here.  I don’t know if it would help but at this point I need something.

Another thought I had on my birthday was how much I miss my father.  I realized I may have been having a birthday and the focus was suppose to be on me but then I thought of how that day was to honor the fact my parents had sex and became parents.  It is kind of disturbing but true.  I realized I owe my parents a great big thanks because if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t be here right now. 

Well I was a little wrong about my birthday in the last post.  My mom did call and wish me a happy birthday.  Other than that it was nothing special. 

After my birthday I realized something else.  I don’t really have any friends.  I have one friend and I live with her so she isn’t really my friend she’s my roommate.  Other than her I have no one close to me.  What happened?  Am I really that big a loser, no one wants to be friends with me?  How badly did I screw up in life to have no one?  Well I guess I should be happy to have one person who is my friend.   

You realize just how many friends you have when you have something happen in your life.  I look forward to the day when my friends numbers will increase.  Until then, I will keep the one I have happy.


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