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Angry Rants of a Pissed Off Mom

April 29, 2008

Tonight my younger brother pointed something out to me.  He reminded me that I am a loser.  I am living at my mom’s house for no really good reason.  He is forced to live here, by no fault of his own.  I hate to remind him that no one forced the drugs into his arm.  No one forced him to deal drugs.  No one forced him to act in the manor in which he did.  And I do believe no one was there when he got arrested for possession of illegal drugs with intent to deliver them.  I’m pretty certain he did all of these things himself.  These things lead to the reason he has to live at my mom’s.  His parole officer won’t let him move out!!!

Myself on the other hand, I’ve not moved out because I can’t find a job to work at to support myself and my children.  I don’t have the money to move out.  I guess I could very easily go back to living in a tent with my four kids.  I don’t think this is exactly what he meant.  He is out to remind me that he is better than me.  I don’t think I need him to remind me, I get this constant reminder on a daily basis.  My mom, brother, other brother, kids, and even strangers remind me that I’m a loser. 

This brings me to another point.  Why is it that people stare at fat people when they are out in public?  Are they thinking that they hope they never look like that or are they thinking how dare they share our space, who let the fat people out???  I hate when people make assumptions about why people are fat.  I am fat by choice.  I have over the course of my life eaten more calories and stopped moving my fat butt.  I know that I have a large way to go, no pun intended. 

I do have a friend, however, that has a kidney condition which causes her to gain weight because she is retaining fluid.  She also has a great amount of pain because of her condition which causes her to have trouble walking.  When we go shopping she needs an electric cart.  Most of the people look at her, because of her age, and think if she would just get up off her butt and walk then she wouldn’t be fat.  What they don’t know is that she would love to but her condition prevents her from doing it.  Even a trip to the bathroom is excrusiating. 

The looks are even worse when we stop at a fast food restaurant.  I know what you are thinking, why are fat people eating at a fast food restaurant?  Heaven for bid should I eat.  What is amazing is that I don’t go there and think people should think any different.  I know that I shouldn’t be eating there but what amazes me even more was that some of these people are one greasy cheeseburger away from being as big as I am.  It is people like that who really get under my skin.  Who are they to judge whether I have the right to eat at a particular place.  Most of them act as though fat people shouldn’t be out in public. 

People who work at fast food restaurants are even worse about it.  They snicker about us as we come through and order our food.  Apparently someone forgot to tell me that fat people are suppose to be deaf.  I wonder if they think we can’t hear them.  I wonder if they realize if it weren’t for us they wouldn’t have a job at all.  I know that fat people can be hilarious but there is a time and a place.  I had a friend who would remind me that everyone needs love, yes that even includes fat people.  We are humans, after all.  We just happen to be bigger than some of you.  Other than that we are no different.  We still bleed if we are pricked and we cry if you hurt our feelings.  Does this not make us human???

I guess I have ranted on for long enough now.  I have been keeping these things bottle up inside but tonight I couldn’t hold them in any longer.  I guess you could blame my brother.  It is after all, his fault!!!

On a side note, I finished my last final for the semester today.  I won’t know how I did with any of them for a couple of weeks but I hope I did well.  I can’t wait to get started again.

Side note number two, today was my brother’s 25th birthday and my youngest son’s 5th birthday.  I would like to wish both of them a happy birthday.  I would also like to wish my daughter a happy belated birthday.  I’m sorry I didn’t wish you one sooner.

I promise this is the last side note.  Happy Beltaine to those of the Pagan type faith.  For those of you who don’t know what Beltaine is, I encourage you to learn about this holiday and the Pagan faiths in general.

 

 

    

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