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I Need Help

April 21, 2008

I know this may seem a little out of place but the first step is admitting it, right?  I need help!!!  I can’t function in my life right now.  I have been feeling all out of sorts, blaming myself for things which aren’t really my fault just to make everyone else feel better about themselves.  I now realize this isn’t healthy behavior from anyone.  I have agreed to seek help. 

I have never asked for help before.  I hate asking.  I feel so dumb.  So totally incapable of making basic life decisions that I require help.

I remember the first time I had to ask someone whom I wasn’t related to for help.  I had hurt my knee and it wasn’t getting better.  I finally listened to someone and decided I needed to go to the doctor.  I couldn’t drive myself so I had to ask someone to drive me.  My family all had to work so they were out of the picture.  This left only my friends.  I felt guilty about it but I needed a ride.  I asked a friend I had grown to trust and she agreed to take me.  After the doctor’s appointment I needed to visit the pharmacy to get some things the doctor’s office didn’t have, crutches!!!  She took me without complaint.  Then she drove me to get something to eat so I could take my pain meds and drove me home.

Even better of a friend she agreed to drive me where I needed to go and she said if I wanted to go out she would come and get me.  This girl was amasing.  I still, however, hate to ask for help.  I want to do everything for myself no matter if I can or not. 

My dad was the same way.  He never asked for help and it nearly killed him if he did.  He felt he should be able to care for himself and he was always looking out for others.  How could he do that if he wasn’t able to care for himself?

I think I understand where I get it from.  It must be an inherited trait.  Great another thing I can chalk up to my dear dad.  Not that this is a bad thing.  I just need to learn from it.

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2 comments

  1. I don’t like asking for help either. I have lupus which is a disease which causes me to have to do just that more then I really want to. I get tired a lot, and can’t do all the things I need or want to on a daily basis…hence asking for help is a necessary evil. It is nothing to be ashamed of, however I still haven’t learned how to deal with that…nor do I think i ever will. But, I thnk finding other’s in your same situation, and talking or writing about it helps…so from one person who needs help to another…here’s to askin!


  2. hrmm.. who was the psycho friend? How does this story end? Did you wear a skirt to the bar and get followed???? lol.. Did you hit that friend with a car??? LMAO!!! I hope you get the direction you are looking for.



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