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Another New Day Dawning

March 26, 2008

Just when my life seems to be going great something comes along and knocks me off my feet.  I hate being in my life right now and know it will not get better until I do something to change it.  I don’t know what to do though so here I sit waiting for life to give me some sort of sign.  I don’t know what kind of sign I’m looking for but I know that I want one.  Maybe all of this waiting isn’t doing any good and I should just get up, shake off the dirt, and move!  Alas this is hard for me since I like to plan for everything. 

It is amazing how much of my life I have spent waiting.   I even do this when I go shopping.  I go to the store to buy something and usually walk out of the store without buying what I went for in the first place.  Maybe I need to change this about me.  I can never decide what I want to buy or I decide that I don’t really need it.  Of course with an outfit, I really do need it but I still put off buying it because I convince myself that I don’t need it right now.  This has left me where I am right now.  I have no dress outfits and barely have anything else to wear.  This does make it very difficult to get a job.

The other thing I have trouble doing is asking for help.  I don’t like to ask for anything if I don’t need it.  This dates back as far as I can remember.  I don’t like asking for help from my instructors, bosses, co-workers, not anyone.  Even when I needed help because I hurt my knee and needed someone to drive me and help me carry my things I attempted to refuse.  It became humbling but I hated it.   

Anyway, I started to write this in the morning and now I’m finishing this blog, yet another sign that I like to procrastinate.  I have decided to take a step in the right direction by applying for jobs.  So this morning while I was writing this blog I began the fruitless search for my resume.  I can’t find it so now I have to start all over again.  I am starting to believe that I have the worst luck in the world.  I feel like the king midas of shit, everything I touch turns to crap. 

I’m hoping that things will change tomorrow and everything will work out the way it has been planned.  I keep thinking positively but until I can get somewhere with this I will try not to touch anything important.  No one needs extra shit, especially not me.

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