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Easter Wishes and Ostara Dreams

March 22, 2008

I wanted to take this opportunity to wish all of my readers Happy Easter or Happy Ostara.  May the holiday be filled with family and friends as we celebrate the rebirth of the holy one(s). 

I know the title might be a little weird but I’m feeling that way today.  Kinda reminds me of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.  I know I’m not rich or famous in any way that counts to the masses but I feel I am rich in ways that you can’t measure, at least not with any standard device.  Famous is in the eye of the beholder.  I feel famous, everywhere I go people call out my name.  Ok so they are my kids, but I still feel famous. 

My oldest son told me, after his visit with his dad yesterday, that his dad and his girlfriend are looking at getting married within the next month.  Well I want to congratulate them on this wondrous feet.  I wish you both the best of luck and hope that you both have what he and I didn’t, the strength and courage to work through our problems and an undeniable lust for life with each other as company.  I am not in the least bit bitter as some people can be.  I am truly happy for them and wish them the best of luck.

This does make me wish I had some sort of good news for myself on this front.  When our divorce was about to be final, and I personally believe he chose to say this to make himself feel less guilty about the break up of our marriage, he told me I would be happy because this would mean I could get married.  I’m not sure exactly why he thought I would want to get married five seconds after my divorce was final but he is insane.

My first marriage happened after years of dating and one kid.  I swore I wouldn’t get married just because of a kid.  So I didn’t get married because of the first kid.  We had been dating for a couple of years when the unthinkable happened.  I got pregnant again.  So we decided we needed to get married before anyone noticed I was pregnant again.  We rushed it through and were married a month after I found out about our impending bundle of joy.  The only witnesses to our festivities were his sister, my brother, and my brother’s girlfriend at the time.  No parents, no extended family, nothing fancy.  I just wanted it over with before my parents found out.

Yes that is right, my parents didn’t like him at all and when they found out what I had done, the silence was astounding.  I look back on all of my relationship with my ex and I know that I did everything because I was ashamed of him.  I couldn’t believe I was settling for someone who was so beneath me.  

I want to make it perfectly clear that while I feel my marriage was a mistake, I don’t regret some of the best things to ever happen to me.  My children are where I get my zest for life from, the spark that lights my inner fire.  Without them I would probably not be here.  They have given me what I needed to pick myself up, dust myself off, and realize there are plenty more things in this life then the things I have lost.

Well this is enough of this post and I hope all is well with every one of you and that you find your own reason for this season.  It is a season of rebirth so may each and every one of you who read this find one thing you dislike about yourself and find a way to change it to attain the best possible feelings about yourself.

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