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Updating the Updates and More Randomness

March 16, 2008

This is the end of the weekend away from all of my kids, which hasn’t happened in I’m not sure how long.  Yes the younger two stayed with their dad and just as predicted, they didn’t want to come home.  This now makes all four of my kids who want to live with their dad. 

I don’t understand them.  How can they stay for one night with him and come home and want to spend the rest of their life with him?  He hasn’t been in their life for for the last few years and now they can’t live without him.  Where is my respect, respect for the one who didn’t walk out on them when one of them was just a baby?  I sit here thinking what did I do wrong, why do my children hate me so much? 

I begin thinking about my own relationship with my parents.  I can’t stand my mom.  Well, I tolerate her, but nothing more.  I completely adored my father.  I looked up to him.  I still do.  Every day I miss him and his advice.  I am lost without him and still haven’t found that someone whose voice I listen to.  Maybe this is why my children look up to their dad.  I still don’t understand it but maybe it is because I am too close to the situation. 

My kids love their dad and for this I am happy.  I can’t wait until the day when we can equally share in their upbringing.  For now though it is all on me.  Until then I will decide everything for them, both good and bad. 

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