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All These Tears and for What???

May 19, 2007

This weekend has not been so good for me.  I have been crying off and on for most of it now.  It was four years ago my husband left me.  To make matters worse I don’t know where I stand in my life right now.

One thing my father always use to say to me when I was down is to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get it together.  I know I need to but how? 

I hate my life as it currently is.  I am unemployed, single, no life outside of my house, fat and ugly.  I know some people would disagree with a few of the statements I have made so far but that is their right and who am I to refuse them this. 

I am working on changing everything in my life.  I have recently changed my diet to include more fresh foods and less sugar and starch.  I am working hard at finding a job, possibly a career.  As far as being single or having a life, not sure how to work on it.  I really don’t have time for myself let alone someone else.  Then there is the ugly business.  There is nothing I can do about this.  I was born ugly. 

Well I feel I am at a crossroad so to speak.  Where do I go from here?  Should I pick up and move my family away from the only place I’ve ever known?  Should I stay here just because it’s easier?  I’m afraid of moving, the new people, not knowing where I’m going, where to turn for help, these all scare me.  Staying put would mean I would have to stay in the rut I’ve been in for more than a year now, yet I would be safe and secure, knowing I’ve got my family to back me up.  This is when I wish I had someone to sound this off of.  Someone who cares what happens to me and my kids.    

I will make a decision soon and hopefully I will make the right one for us.  No regrets.    

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