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Life is Impossible

May 3, 2007

As of late I have been looking for ways to improve my health and the health of my family.  I have two children who are overweight as am I.  With all of the health problems which are written in the cards you’d wonder why I have, as of yet, not done something about it. 

My health has been going down hill over the last year and I have just sat idly by and let it happen.  I didn’t do anything when I could no longer button my jeans, I just switched to pants with elastic waists.  Well now the elastic is getting tight.  I was trying to donate blood and told my blood pressure was high.  Still I didn’t go to the doctor.  Now I am checking my blood sugar and it is elevated.  I think I need to see the doctor.  Yet I’m putting it off. 

Why put off something so important, you ask?  Well I don’t like to get bad news.  As a matter of fact I hate it.  I always felt if I had been diagnosed with some deadly illness (non-contagious) I didn’t want to know.  If I had cancer I didn’t want to be told.  Yet doctors have the responsibility to tell you.  So if you don’t go to the doctor for things then you never know you have them.

This feeling started a couple of years ago.  I had gone to the hospital for chest pain.  I wasn’t having a heart attack but it still hurt and i was having trouble breathing.  They staff did their job and came back after the xrays to tell me, you have a nodule.  OK, what does that mean?  Well this means you have a growth which is not normal on your lung.  OK so what could it be?  Never ask that question.  I learned this the hard way, I asked it that day.  Well it could be nothing but it could be cancer.  I FREAKED OUT!!! 

From that moment on I had cancer.  Yes I tend to jump to conclusions.  They told me to see my doctor again in one month and have a second set of x-rays taken.  So over the next month I read everything I could about lung cancer.  Keep in mind my youngest child was 18 months old (and he is six now).  I cried all the time.  I would see kids with their parents and start crying.  I just knew my kids were never going to have that.  The survival rate for lung cancer diagnosed by x-ray is nil.  I had six months or less.

At this time I looked my then husband in the eyes, tears streaming down my face, and asked him to quit smoking.  He said “We’ll see.”  I was livid.  How could he say that?  He was their dad and he was willing to have our children grow up as orphans.  I couldn’t believe it. 

I went back to the doctor and had my second set of x-rays take one month to the day after the first.  He said he would call if there was any problems.  Well a week went by and I hadn’t heard anything.  I began to smile more and realized I was just being foolish.  My kids liked having their mom back. 

Well about a week later my dad called me and told me the doctor’s office was trying to reach me and they called his house.  I called them back right away, panicked.  They said they had tried calling me and that I had already missed my first CAT scan and I needed to be at the next one.  It was very important.  I FREAKED OUT again.  In my reading I knew the only reason you needed a CAT scan was because they suspected cancer.  The fears I had the last month all came back to the surface.

I went to my CAT scan and the tech was wonderful.  I asked her what she saw.  She said she couldn’t tell me but she knew how I felt and she told me I should call the doctor first thing in the morning.  I did just as she had told me.  When I called the doctor, though, they gave me the run around.  I told them they could call and get the report right away.  They said they would call me when they knew something. 

Have you ever waited for a phone call like that?  I was on edge.   Every time the phone rang I answered it before the first ring was finished.  I was short with everyone who called.  I was short with my family.  By the end of the day everyone I knew hated me but I didn’t care.  I just wanted to hear from the doctor. 

Finally the phone rang and it was the doctor’s office.  Everything was fine, I didn’t have cancer.  I was elated.  You could have told me my dog died and I dont’ think I would have cared.  Well I would have cared but I was happy I didn’t have cancer.

This leads me back to today.  I know I need to see a doctor and get my health under control.  I need to do this for myself as well as my kids.  I was looking for some help with my diet and fitness online and I found it.  I found a website which offers both of those for free.  It is only for those who are over age eighteen. 

With all of the diagnosis of adult onset (type 2) diabetes in children and all of those who are serverly obese I wondered why they didn’t offer anything for kids which is free.  I found plenty of sites but they all charged for their services.  It would be great if there was a site just like the one for adults for children. 

Parents need all the help they can get when it comes to their childrens health.  Show us what we need to do to help our children develop healthy habits.  I know if any of my children were to be diagnosed with diabetes I wouldn’t know what an appropriate serving size is for them or any of those kinds of things.  I have thought about writing to the site I found and asking why they don’t offer something for children.  I think the country could use it, especially in this, the age of fast food.  If parents could see it doens’t take long to provide a healthy meal for your children so you don’t have to feed them food which isn’t good for them.  Also if they would offer tips for those people who decide to partake of the fast food, choices which are healthier then others. 

Until then I will try and find ways to get and keep my kids fit and healthy.  It won’t be easy.  But like every other parent, I will make due.         

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