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Alone in Heart

April 30, 2007

Has anyone ever felt under-appreciated?   Well this is how I feel.  My children didn’t even care I slept through the entire time they were awake and home today.  I guess I haven’t been feeling well as of late and sleep has been eluding me for the last week.  Well now I sit here after having slept the better part of a day still tired but knowing I made a promise to myself and hopefully to others who may read this someday.  I am going to write daily even if it kills me.   

Well I have had a lot on my mind as of late.  How am I ever going to make a go of this thing if no one reads it?  I suppose it is my own fault.  I always figure things will go really well and then I get disappointed and surprise!!! Things go crappy.  I know I wanted this to appear as an archive for another webpage I have but still no one is reading it either.  What can I do to make this thing work?  Why doesn’t anyone care what people think in this great society of ours. 

I get it I am only talking about being a mother but still I have value even if I don’t always feel like I do.  Maybe I need to get out more and spend some time getting real life experiences.  See the world.  Move.  I don’t know.  Right now I’m just frustrated. 

I sat down last night and tried to come up with a one year plan for myself, a direction for my life to go in within the next year.  With or without anyone special in my life.  I really need to move forward and get a life, something I don’t have right now.  I hope I can only feel useful in the next month. 

Hopefully people will begin to see me as useful and I really hope I can grow and fulfill my one year plan and even make up a five year plan which hopefully will include someone special, who is my equal, my life partner.  If not I will have to work on it or maybe I should just leave it alone.  Maybe loneliness is what my future entails.  Still I will go on with a smile on my face.  

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