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Happy Birthday, Little One

April 29, 2007

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As I sit here looking down, do you see me?  Was I ever real?  My new wings won’t let me fly away so I sit here day to day.  Seeing the world through my new eyes, I wonder how things have gone awry.  Before too long our world collapse.  Tears fill my bloodshot eyes.  Will you ever see what destruction and desolation are to come before it is too late?  I offer up my wings at last.  To give you all but half a chance.  Change your ways and lift your hearts.

This day is my youngest child’s fourth birthday.  I can now officially start the countdown to the day our lives tanked.  However I am not unhappy about it.  My children are a blessing and I do not blame any of them for their father leaving.  I blame their father for their father leaving.  He was a very selfish man.  And he still is to this day. 

Anyway, four years ago I went to the hospital in the afternoon, which for me was unusual.  The two times before that I have my surgery scheduled for the morning.  It was one time I was guaranteed to see the sun come up.  We left the house a little early but I wasn’t quite sure why.  Well my husband decided to take the scenic route to the hospital.  He asked me if I remembered the area we were driving through.  Of course I did but I was angry.  I had been fasting since midnight and it was now one in the afternoon and I still had to drive by every fast food restaurant from my house to the hospital knowing I wasn’t going to be eating any time soon.

What I didn’t know at the time was he was really scoping out his new girlfriend’s house.  He planned to meet up with her while I was in the hospital.  How wonderful, huh?  He wanted to ditch our new child and his other responsibilities to go out with his new girlfriend.  He was going to watch her son play ball and I couldn’t even get him to take his own son to scouts. 

Well back to the story.  We arrived at the hospital and just as we are getting to the room the phone is ringing.  We didn’t know what room we were going to be in so I wasn’t sure how anyone got our number.  It was my mother in law.  I don’t know what she wanted because I was busy getting ready for surgery. 

Well as I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since midnight, I was dehydrated so when they asked me to pee in the cup I had a hard time but I did it.  Then they tried to draw my blood and this is were this story gets interesting.  Keep in mind I was dehydrated so all the veins in my arms were narrow.  This makes it very hard to get a needle in to take blood out or to get fluid in.  The first nurse who saw me was just a regular floor nurse.   She tried to draw my blood for about 15 minutes before she gave up and asked for assistance.  The next nurse was the charge nurse.  She also couldn’t get the needle in either.  She called in the director of nursing and she tried.  Guess what… she couldn’t get it in either.  

Before you can have surgery they have to make sure your body is in balance.  This requires blood.  It is very difficult to get me surgery ready if you can’t test my blood.  Well the charge nurse asked a favor of an anesthesiologist who was on his was to do the pre-surgery consult for the patient across the hall.  She asked him to try and get the rig in my arm so they could get all my medical stuff cleared for surgery.  Since I was also his patient he agreed and put off getting the other person ready for surgery.

Well he came in and in one very easy try he got the needle in and did what no one else could.  He then ran through his pre-surgery stuff with me.  While we were doing this there was a commotion outside my room.  There were people shouting at one another and there were some expletives said.  He got up and went to tell the people in the hall to take the argument away from the patient rooms and the guy shoved him!!!

Come to find out when he returned to the room, the people in the hallway fighting were my nurse and the doctor of the patient across the hall.  He was upset because his patient wasn’t ready for surgery yet and he was yelling at my nurse about it.  Well after the confrontation in the hallway neither patient has him for their surgery.  He was going to have to fill out some paperwork about what happened.  Great, I thought, now there is paperwork on me.  Trust me it didn’t get better.   

I threw up from all the meds they were giving me, the surgery was an hour late and they changed people mid surgery but through it all I was excited.  There is something about seeing your newborn for the first time.  You have carried this being inside you for the last nine months, changed your life for this small being, so seeing them emerge from you is amazing.

Well after the doctor began slicing and dicing (I know not a pretty way of thinking about it) he realized this baby wasn’t going to be any easier then any of the other three.  He was in there sideways and there was no part of him visible from the incision.  The doctor reached his hand into the wound and grabbed the first thing he could feel.  He gently pulled and out came a foot and leg.  The doctor tickled the tiny foot bottom and when it squirmed he said “It works.”  Yes my doctor is funny like that which is why I liked him so much. 

Anyway he finished pulling him out and born into the cold room full of bright light was a beautiful baby boy.  He was so tiny compared to his brothers and sister.  He was also three and a half weeks early.  Though he had many complications in the days and weeks to come he was perfect. 

Even after all of this I didn’t ever think I wouldn’t love him as much as I do today.  He is a joy in my life and I can’t wait to see where he will go in life.  He will go far.

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